September 3rd-4th, 1997
Well, what has happened in the intervening period since our last meeting? Well, the world's favourite soap opera has had its most popular character written out of the series, and in the most soap-operatic way possible. It was big, it was dramatic, and what's more it used so many elements that had become synonymous with that character.
It was so dramatic, that all other TV had to stop as it couldn't even stand a chance of competing in this ratings war. It was a whole day before a random check found that someone had dared to put out anything in competition. So it was, I watched The Smurfs with a sense of sadness and loss. Anyone who's ever seen The Smurfs will understand.
I often, through some sort of freak of timing, find myself watching Wheel of Fortune. (Perhaps I should stop setting my alarm.) Wheel of Fortune, as many of you will know, is a corny game-show that we probably paid the Americans good money for. I will not go into the rules and aims of the game, as it will bore those who have seen it. And those who haven't.
What I will mention is the second most important position in the show's hierarchy of two presenters, that of the girl who turns round the letters when the contestant asks for them. In this age of computer-generated 3D graphics; multifaceted robots and voice-recognition software, it is always good to see someone employed doing an old-fashioned job that could easily be done more efficiently or more smoothly by a computer. But computers are never gorgeous, and they cannot readily play stooge to the under-rehearsed witticisms of the host. The lovely Jenny Powell is the under-thinking man's Carol Vorderman*. Attractive, and yet without that frightening intellect that meant you would always leave long pauses after everything she said. Sometimes for weeks.
So there you have it, another small victory over the computer. The programme wins over such programs as Catchphrase entirely because of the fact they use a dolly-bird* instead of a computer. Several hours after watching Catchphrase, you have either forgotten it, or you may still remember how much you want to punch the host, or what horrible computer-generated tortures you would like to perform on 'Mr Chips.' Seven hours after watching Wheel of Fortune, you are still picturing Jenny Powell struggling to turn those letters round to reveal an uncommon phrase or saying stating exactly what she would like to do to you.
Is that how it is, or do I need to get out a whole lot more?
The only other thing on TV I've watched all week is that poor sitcom set in a road-side caff. I now know it is called Pilgrim's Rest. And there's a gag about the title, but it's not even worth repeating. This week's episode relied far more on comedy generated by the characters in the story, and not at all on the Australian girl and her breasts. And with a few more, and better, gags, it would have all paid off. But no, they should stick with the baps*, throw out the script, and move the action to an Earls Court apartment inhabited by four gorgeous Australian women...
I do! I do need to get out much, much more often.
Spod Anarchists, this is the latest social group I am investigating. Spod Anarchists believe in all the usual tenets of Anarchism: the removal of ALL social and economic barriers, the removal of ALL rules: social and 'law', the removal of all forms of government and control.
But the difference is, the Internet stays!
This is the extension I can't quite understand. Who will keep it running? Who will generate the electricity in the lawless society that follows? Who is going to have time to Surf the Web when you have to fight for your very own existence? Who is going to have the inclination to update their home page when there is food to be hunted and gangs of marauding thieves to defend yourself against?
Mind you, 30% of personal home-pages won't need updating. In a world of Anarchy*, as there will not be any new Star Trek series made.
Ten Abbreviations that never really caught on in NetSpeak:
Computer Game revue... "Junkie II: Sid's back."
Junkie II is a graphical adventure. Once again, you take control of Sid, the character from the original Junkie game. As well as all the elements from the original game: the need to obtain gear from one of the list of dealers in town, and the need to get the money to buy the drugs - from the dole office and, in an arcade sub-game, stealing from various shops in the high street. As before, new dealers appear all the time as old ones are arrested or killed. Some charge too much, others can sell dodgy gear. Some are undercover policemen. The new game features more sophisticated gameplay, you now have to not only look after yourself, but also your totally dependant girlfriend 'Juice'. This you can do, by having the option of become a small-time dealer yourself, but although this brings in the cash, it is fraught with danger as every customer could be an undercover policeman. the programmers have also added a new risk-factor of contracting HIV, if you share a needle with any other Junkies you meet on the way.
Junkie II is a challenging and fascinating game for 12-35 year olds, and is available on the SNES, SNOS, SNUS and PC format.
Well, it's nearly time for bed, and I can't believe I've written a whole one of these and I didn't once mention The Spice Girls*.
'dolly-bird', copyright 1972, Robin Asquith.
'Carol Vorderman' is a trademark of Richard Whitely International Holdings PLC.
'baps' are used with the express permission of the owner.
'Anarchy' is the exclusive copyright of the Society of Anarchists, which is run for the benefit of Anarchists by Anarchy PLC, a subsidiary of The Chaos Corporation. Check out their informative and easy-to-read web-site at www.anarchycorp.com. Or, for a free leaflet, contact 0800-ANARCH. "Anarchy: paving the way to a better future."
'The Spice Girls' - patent pending.
(c) September 1997 Peter R. More.